drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We named our party play list daddy issues
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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