I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
