I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
