I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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