you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
