Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
