whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
