ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize