I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
