Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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