He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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