he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
