so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize