If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
