FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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