So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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