I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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