maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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