Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
