i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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