Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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