he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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