I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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