Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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