Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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