no, he came in my armpit
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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