U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
me + whiskey = a bad person
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
