on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
