Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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