remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize