Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
