maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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