Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
