I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
