dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I died a long time ago.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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