did you get engaged???
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
