My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
