So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
