He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
