Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
