therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
