There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
