chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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