You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
