So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize