I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
