Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize