He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
