"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
