so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
