I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
