There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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