3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
