If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize