three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize