I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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