i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
