Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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