what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can I color on your dick again?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
