The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
