well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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