just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i came on her dog
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
