just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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