There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
