I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
