i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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