No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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