Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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