Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
