we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
